Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
