Its about making memories worth repressing
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
