You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
