Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think my mom watched the whole time
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize