I accidentally had phone sex last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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