I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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