I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
