hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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