I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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