I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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