your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
