I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
