There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
