Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she peed on how many people?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
