Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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