She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it hurts more in the daytime
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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