Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
