i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
