This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
