So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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