: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
