what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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