a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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