And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
