I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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