I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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