So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
