dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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