he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
