he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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