Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
