I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
