I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I faked an abortion last night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And then the night went full on bisexual.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
