Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
