Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
