i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
