this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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