You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
