Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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