he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I smell stomach acid.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
