This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
