She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
