so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
