The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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