coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am one with the molecules
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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