Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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