He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
