Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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