she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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