he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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