saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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