so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
