I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.