we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.