I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she looked like the before picture.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.