peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.