My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
