he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
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when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
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Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.