me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.