If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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