I just cut my nipple shaving
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
