my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You pole danced in your parka.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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