He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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