How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
