just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
