I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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