i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
