I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
