I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
