Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
