Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize