i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
