Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
