So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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