At least make sure they are 18
Why
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
