We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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