he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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