Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
please come you make the beer taste better
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
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We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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