I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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