Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
