85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
