He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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