My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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