Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
