The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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