Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
