i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
