nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
